In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious
Dealing with Short Temper and Anger !
A person may complain: “I get very angry very quickly. If there is the slightest provocation, I quickly explode and start to break things, swear, curse and issue threats of divorce. This problem has caused me so much embarrassment, and has made most people hate me, even my wife and children and closest friends. What can I do to rid myself of this awful disease and extinguish this devilish fire?”
Anger is a tendency that comes from the Shaytaan. Only Allaah knows how much evil and sin results from it. Hence Islam has a great deal to say about this negative characteristic and the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) described remedies for ridding oneself of this problem and limiting its effects. These include the following:
Seeking refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan. Sulaymaan ibn Sard said:
“I was sitting with the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him), and there were two men swearing at one another. One of them was red in the face and the veins of his neck were standing out. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: ‘I know a word which, if only he would say it, this [anger] would leave him. If he said, “A’oodhu billaahi min al-shaytaan (I seek refuge with Allaah from the Shaytaan),”, this [anger] would leave him.’” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, al-Fath, 6/377). He (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) also said: “If a man gets angry and says ‘A’oodhu billaah (I seek refuge with Allaah),’ his anger will cease.” (Saheeh al-Jaami’ al-Sagheer, no. 695).
Keeping quiet. The Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“If any one of you gets angry, let him keep quiet.”(Reported by Imaam Ahmad, al-Musnad, 1/239; Saheeh al-Jaami’, 693, 4027).
Anger usually makes a person lose control, often to the extent that he may utter words of kufr (Allaah forbid), or curses, or the word of divorce (talaaq) which will destroy his family, or foul language that will earn him the enmity of others. Keeping quiet is the way to avoid all of these evils.
Keeping still. The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If any one of you gets angry, let him sit down if he is standing. If his anger goes away, (that is good), otherwise let him lie down.”
The narrator of this hadeeth was Abu Dharr (may Allaah be pleased with him), who told the following story: he was watering his animals at a trough, when some other people came along. He said,
“Who among you will help Abu Dharr to water his animals and ….?” A man said, “I will,” but he broke the trough. Abu Dharr was standing, so he sat down, then he lay down. Someone asked him, “O Abu Dharr, why did you sit down then lie down?” He said, “Because the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said … [and quoted the hadeeth].” (The hadeeth with the whole story is reported in Musnad Ahmad, 5/152. See also Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 694).
According to another report, Abu Dharr was watering his animals at a trough when another man made him angry, so he sat down… (Fayd al-Qadeer al-Mannaawi, 1/408).
One of the benefits of this Prophetic teaching is that it prevents the angry person from doing something crazy and out of control. An angry person could inflict harm or even kill – as we shall see shortly – or he could destroy property and so on. Sitting down makes it less likely that he will explode in this fashion, and lying down makes it even less likely that he will do something reckless or harmful. Al-‘Allaamah al-Khattaabi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said in his commentary on Abu Dawood: “The one who is standing is ready to move and destroy things. The one who is sitting is less likely to do so, and the one who is lying is not able to do anything of the sort. It seems that the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) commanded the angry person to sit down or lie down in order to prevent him from doing anything that he would later regret. And Allaah knows best.” (Sunan Abi Dawood wa ma’ahu ma’aalim al-sunan, 5/141)
Remembering the advice of the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him). Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) reported that a man came to the Prophet(peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and said: “Advise me.” He said: “Do not become angry.” The man repeated his request several times, and each time the response was, “Do not become angry.” (Reported by al-Bukhaari, Fath al-Baari, 10/465).
According to another report, the man said,
“I thought about what the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) had said, and I realized that anger is the source of all evil.”(Musnad Ahmad, 5/373).
“Do not get angry, and Paradise will be yours.”(A saheeh hadeeth. Saheeh al-Jaami’, 7374. Ibn Hajar attributed it.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
100 Ways We Can Support Our Prophet (peace be upon him)
In The name of Allah,The Most Merciful,The Most gracious
100 Ways We Can Support Our Prophet (peace be upon him)
Praise be to Allah, Lord of All the Worlds. And may peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family and Companions.
The first pillar of Islam is our testimony that there is no God but Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. The first half of this testimony is our declaration of monotheism. The second half is our declaration that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him). We can only fully realize the meaning of the second half of the testimony in our hearts by cultivating the following:
Belief in everything the Prophet (peace be upon him) has told us. We must believe, first and foremost, that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the Messenger of Allah sent to all humanity to convey to them what Allah revealed to him of the Qur’ân and Sunnah. This is the religion of Islam, and Allah will accept from his servants no other religion.
Obedience to his commands with full acceptance and submission. We must adhere to his Sunnah and emulate his most excellent example and eschew everything to the contrary.
Love for the Prophet (peace be upon him). We must love our Prophet (peace be upon him) more than we love anyone else, even our own parents and children. In this way, we will show him the respect and deference that he deserves and we will be inspired to do what we must to support and defend him.
It is incumbent upon every one of us as Muslims to fully realize in our lives the meaning of our testimony “Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah”. We must truly inculcate this faith in our hearts. The hypocrites had said to the Prophet (peace be upon him):
“We bear witness that indeed you are the Messenger of Allah.” In turn, Allah said: “Allah knows that you are indeed His Messenger, and Allah bears witness that the hypocrites are liars.” (Surah, 63: 1)
There are a number of things that we can do to put our love for the Prophet (peace be upon him) into action and carry out our duty to him. We must confront the vicious attacks being waged against him and ransom him with our lives, our loved ones, and our wealth to the extent of our varying abilities. We must all carry out our responsibilities on whatever level we are able.
THINGS WE CAN DO AS INDIVIDUALS
1. We can contemplate the evidence which decisively demonstrates that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the Messenger of Allah. The first source for this evidence is none other than the Qur’ân.
2. We can learn the evidence from the Qur’ân, the Sunnah, and the consensus of the Muslims that it is obligatory to obey the Prophet (peace be upon him) and emulate his most excellent example.
3. We can acquaint ourselves with how Allah has protected the Prophet’s Sunnah. We should learn about the considerable efforts that were made by the scholars throughout the centuries to separate the genuine Sunnah from what was false and how they compiled the authentic Sunnah according to the most stringent conditions. No other civilization of the past had ever developed a more arduous and learned set of principles for authenticating historical evidence.
4. We can cultivate in our hearts our love for the Prophet (peace be upon him) by recalling his noble attributes. We can read about his good character and his noble deeds. We can learn how he embodied all the good qualities that can possibly be attained by a single human being.
5. We can bring to mind the great favor that he bestowed on all of us and how indebted we are to him. He is the one who conveyed to us the true religion. He carried out this duty in a most excellent manner. He fulfilled his trust to Allah perfectly and delivered to us his Lord’s Message.
6. We can give him due credit for all the good that we attain by Allah’s grace in this world and the Hereafter, since he is the one who showed us towards how to attain it and who brought us guidance. Allah has blessed him on our account with the greatest blessings ever bestowed upon a Prophet.
7. We can bring to mind how compassionate and merciful the Prophet (peace be upon him) was to his followers and how concerned he was for our guidance and welfare. Allah says:
“The Prophet is closer to the believers than they are to their own selves.” (Sûrah, 33: 6)
8. We can become acquainted with the verses of the Qur’ân and with the Hadîth that discuss his lofty status with his Lord and the love that Allah has for him and the esteem in which Allah holds him.
9. We can carry out Allah’s command to love the Prophet (peace be upon him). We should love him more than we love ourselves. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“None of you truly believes until I become dearer to him than his own self, his children, his parents, and all of mankind.”
10. We can carry out Allah’s command to show respect for the Prophet (peace be upon him) and for his Sunnah. Allah says:
“O you who believe, do not raise your voices above the Prophet’s voice and do not speak to him loudly as you might speak to one another, lest your deeds become vain while you perceive it not.”(Sûrah, 49: 2)
11. We can fulfill Allah’s command to come to the defense of our Prophet (peace be upon him) and protect him from those who wish to harm or defame him. Allah says:
“To believe in Allah and His Messenger that you may assist and honor him.” (Sûrah, 48: 9)
12. We can cultivate in our hearts a sincere and constant resolve to defend the Prophet and promote his good name.
13. We can bear in mind the great blessings and rewards that in the Hereafter await those who genuinely put into practice their love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). They will be his close companions in Paradise, for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has promised: “You will be with whom you love.”
14. We can make it a habit to offer salutations of peace upon our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) whenever we remember to do so, especially after the call to prayer and on Fridays. This will increase our blessings from Allah.
15. We can read the biography of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) from authentic sources and benefit from the many lessons that it contains. We can then try to apply those lessons to our lives today.
16. We can learn the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) by studying its authentic sources. We must study the Hadîth and strive to understand them correctly. We need to derive from these Ahadîth the rulings and the lessons that they contain.
17. We can follow the Sunnah in its entirety, giving priority to what we are obligated to do.
18. We can strive to emulate the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) even in matters where we are under no obligation to do so. It is better even if we do something the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) did only once in our lives just so we can follow his example to the last detail.
19. We can be vigilant to avoid ever belittling any aspect of his Sunnah.
20. We can make sure that we feel joy every time we see people putting some aspect of his Sunnah into practice.
21. We can feel sorrow whenever we find that some aspect of his Sunnah is being neglected.
22. We can feel enmity towards anyone who defames the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) or disapproves of his Sunnah.
23. We can show love for the members of our Prophet’s family and for his wives and descendants. We can seek nearness to Allah by loving them for the sake of their nearness to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and for the sake of their commitment to Islam. If we find any of his descendants disobedient to Allah, we should be eager to guide them, since their guidance is something most dear to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). `Umar the son of al-Khattâb said to the Prophet’s uncle: “O `Abbâs! The day that you accepted Islam was more beloved to me than the day when al-Khattâb accepted Islam. This is only because I know that your acceptance of Islam was dearer to Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) than that of al-Khattâb.”
24. We can act upon the direction of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) with respect to his family when he thrice said: “I remind you of the rights of Allah with respect to my family.”
25. We can show love and respect for the Companions of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and recognize their honor and distinction with Allah and their superiority in knowledge and good works to those who come after them.
26. We can show love and respect for the scholars on account of their status and their knowledge of the Prophet’s legacy. The scholars are the inheritors of the Prophets. They deserve to be loved and honored. This is a right that our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has over us.
THINGS WE CAN DO AS FAMILIES AND AS A SOCIETY
27. We can raise our children to love the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
28. We can raise our children to emulate his excellent example.
29. We can make available in our homes books about the Prophet’s life.
30. We can make available in our homes recorded lectures about his life for our families to listen to.
31. We can show our children cartoons that have a clear and wholesome Islamic content.
32. We can set aside some family time every week for an Islamic study circle.
33. As husbands and wives, we can follow the example of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in how we deal with our families.
34. We can encourage our children to memorize and put into practice the words that the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to remember Allah on all occasions.
35. We can encourage our children to spend a portion of their daily allowances on charitable deeds that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to encourage, like providing for an orphan, feeding a poor person, or helping the needy. This is an excellent practical application of the Sunnah.
36. We can make our children accustomed to using some of the Prophet’s good sayings in their everyday speech like: “A believer is clever and sage”; “A believer does not get stung from the same hole twice” and“Make things easy, not difficult”.
37. We can hold competitions at home where the children can be tested on their knowledge of the Prophet’s life.
38. We can teach our children about the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) by holding little programs at home like: “A day at the Prophet’s house”.
THINGS WE CAN DO IN THE FIELD OF EDUCATION
39. We can cultivate love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in the hearts of our students by teaching them about the rights he has over us as his followers.
40. We can increase the amount of lectures given covering different aspects of his life and personality.
41. We can encourage educational authorities to add to the Islamic Studies syllabus a subject entitled The Life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
42. We can make efforts to finance the appointment of professors of the Prophet’s biography in prominent Western universities.
43. We can encourage serious research into the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and encourage scholars to publish works about different aspects of the Sunnah.
44. We can hold exhibitions at schools and universities to inform people about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) while focusing on the geographical spread of Islam.
45. We can devote prominent sections of our libraries to books about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
46. We can develop valuable encyclopedic reference works about the Prophet’s life.
47. We can host annual competitions where students can receive scholarships and prizes for writing the best original research papers about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life.
48. We can hold youth camps that cultivate love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and teach the practical application of the Sunnah.
49. We can host training seminars for our future leaders that focus on how to emulate the example of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
THINGS WE CAN DO IN THE FIELD OF ISLAMIC WORK
50. We can explain the hallmarks of the message that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) called towards, emphasizing that he came with the original, pure religion and that his concern was to guide all humanity to the sincere, monotheistic worship of their Lord.
51. We can step up our efforts in calling people of all nations and all walks of life to the guidance of Islam.
52. We can convey to the people the illustrious and noble character that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) had even before he began to receive the revelation from Allah.
53. We can explain to the people the good qualities of our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and the unique features of Islam in a manner that will hold their attention and capture their interests.
54. We can explain how the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) behaved toward his family, his neighbors, and his followers.
55. We can focus on how admirably and magnanimously he conducted himself with the Jews, Christians, pagans, and hypocrites who showed him enmity and hostility.
56. We can explain how nobly he carried out his most mundane, daily affairs.
57. We can set aside part of the Friday sermon for discussing certain aspects of the Prophet’s life and occasionally devote an entire sermon to this topic.
58. After the daily prayers, we can offer a few comments on how the verses we recited in our prayers relate to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life.
59. We can hold study sessions for the memorization of the Sunnah just like we do for the memorization of the Qur’ân.
60. We can correct the misconceptions that the general public has about the Sunnah and emphasize the importance of following the Sunnah in our lives.
61. We can call the people’s attention to the Islamic rulings issued by scholars regarding those who defame the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and emphasize that we have to disassociate ourselves from such people.
62. We can work to return the people to their religion by presenting to them the message of the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in the simplest terms.
63. We can use the media to warn people against going overboard in their reverence for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and explain to them the verses of the Qur’ân that prohibit excess and extravagance. Allah says: “Do not go to excesses in your religion.” We can also mention relevant Hadîth like:“Do not venerate me in the way that the Christians venerated the son of Mary.” We must emphasize that true love for the prophet (peace be upon him) is expressed by following him faithfully.
64. We can encourage the people to read about the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him) from its authentic sources. We must clarify those sources and make them available.
65. We can refute and dispel the misconceptions and false claims that are circulating about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life.
THINGS WE CAN DO IN THE CULTURAL SPHERE AND IN THE MEDIA
66. We can use cultural and media events as opportunities to teach people about the illustrious character of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
67. We can refrain from publishing or broadcasting anything that is contrary to his Sunnah.
68. We can oppose the Western media and refute the misconceptions and false claims that they are propagating about our Prophet and our religion.
69. We can host press conferences and cultural events with moderate non-Muslim thinkers where we can openly discuss the Prophet Muhammad (peace e upon him) and his message.
70. We can publish and disseminate what objective non-Muslim thinkers have said about the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
71. We can hold conventions and conferences to discuss the life and methodology of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and to demonstrate how that methodology is suitable for all places and times.
72. We can air televised competitions where contestants can earn prizes by demonstrating their knowledge of the Prophet’s life.
73. We can write and publish articles, stories, and pamphlets about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
74. We can petition the editorial boards of newspapers and magazines to provide a regular feature that highlights verses of the Qur’ân and Hadîth of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and explains why Muslims love the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and emulate his example.
75. We can petition the executive bodies of television networks to air programs about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life, highlighting his good qualities and the exemplary way that he conducted himself with his wives, his children, his followers, and his enemies.
76. We can encourage production studios to prepare professional quality video programs about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life.
77. We can encourage our local television stations and satellite channels to produce and air cartoon programs for children highlighting the good qualities of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and stories from his life.
WHAT WE CAN DO THROUGH OUR ISLAMIC ORGANIZATIONS AND CHARITIES
78. We can establish committees and departments within our organizations devoted to supporting our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
79. We can reserve space for our organizations at local and international expositions and conventions and distribute literature and other media products about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his message.
80. We can establish permanent distribution centers for distributing books, pamphlets, and audio recordings about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
81. We can establish a special award with preset standards to be presented to the person who best served the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his biography. The presentation of this award could be accompanied by a major ceremony to which many renowned personages would be invited.
82. We can print books about the Prophet’s life in various foreign languages to be distributed to public libraries, universities, and centers for Oriental studies around the globe.
83. We can publish a periodical journal that specializes in the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), his life, Islamic teachings, and the Muslims, emphasizing the good qualities of the religion that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) came with.
84. We can establish charitable funds to finance our program of supporting the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and to pay for the writing and translation of books and articles.
WHAT WE CAN DO ON THE INTERNET
85. We can establish organizations devoted to propagating Islam and showing, among other things, how Islam teaches love and reverence for all of the Prophets (peace be upon them all).
86. We can establish websites and online newsgroups devoted to the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). On a smaller scale, we can create dedicated web pages for existing websites that have a broader focus.
87. We can participate in live chats online with non-Muslims and invite them to study the personality of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and the religion that he came with.
88. We can include at the bottom of our e-mails some appropriate Hadîth and sayings of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
89. We can prepare an occasional online newsletter that discusses the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his message to be sent out on special occasions and whenever circumstances warrant it.
90. We can post on major search engines notices about relevant books and lectures.
THINGS WE CAN DO WITH OUR WEALTH AND THROUGH OUR ISLAMIC GOVERNMENTS
91. We can give financial support to Islamic activities that focus on the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
92. We can print billboards and bumper stickers that quote the words of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
93. We can help to establish Islamic television and radio stations, as well as periodicals that are devoted to spreading the message of Islam in many languages around the world and especially in English.
94. We can pay for airtime on television and radio stations in various countries to get our message across.
95. We can establish centers devoted to research into the study of the Prophet’s biography and the publication of that research in many languages.
96. We can establish museums and libraries devoted to the Prophet’s life and his legacy.
97. We can fund the establishment of high quality professional websites on the Internet devoted to the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life.
98. We can pay for the production of high quality books, audio recordings, and television programs in various major languages, especially English.
99. We can help to finance Islamic competitions about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and provide substantial prizes to encourage participation.
100 Ways We Can Support Our Prophet (peace be upon him)
Praise be to Allah, Lord of All the Worlds. And may peace and blessings be upon our Prophet Muhammad and upon his family and Companions.
The first pillar of Islam is our testimony that there is no God but Allah and that Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah. The first half of this testimony is our declaration of monotheism. The second half is our declaration that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him). We can only fully realize the meaning of the second half of the testimony in our hearts by cultivating the following:
Belief in everything the Prophet (peace be upon him) has told us. We must believe, first and foremost, that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the Messenger of Allah sent to all humanity to convey to them what Allah revealed to him of the Qur’ân and Sunnah. This is the religion of Islam, and Allah will accept from his servants no other religion.
Obedience to his commands with full acceptance and submission. We must adhere to his Sunnah and emulate his most excellent example and eschew everything to the contrary.
Love for the Prophet (peace be upon him). We must love our Prophet (peace be upon him) more than we love anyone else, even our own parents and children. In this way, we will show him the respect and deference that he deserves and we will be inspired to do what we must to support and defend him.
It is incumbent upon every one of us as Muslims to fully realize in our lives the meaning of our testimony “Muhammad is the Messenger of Allah”. We must truly inculcate this faith in our hearts. The hypocrites had said to the Prophet (peace be upon him):
“We bear witness that indeed you are the Messenger of Allah.” In turn, Allah said: “Allah knows that you are indeed His Messenger, and Allah bears witness that the hypocrites are liars.” (Surah, 63: 1)
There are a number of things that we can do to put our love for the Prophet (peace be upon him) into action and carry out our duty to him. We must confront the vicious attacks being waged against him and ransom him with our lives, our loved ones, and our wealth to the extent of our varying abilities. We must all carry out our responsibilities on whatever level we are able.
THINGS WE CAN DO AS INDIVIDUALS
1. We can contemplate the evidence which decisively demonstrates that Muhammad (peace be upon him) is the Messenger of Allah. The first source for this evidence is none other than the Qur’ân.
2. We can learn the evidence from the Qur’ân, the Sunnah, and the consensus of the Muslims that it is obligatory to obey the Prophet (peace be upon him) and emulate his most excellent example.
3. We can acquaint ourselves with how Allah has protected the Prophet’s Sunnah. We should learn about the considerable efforts that were made by the scholars throughout the centuries to separate the genuine Sunnah from what was false and how they compiled the authentic Sunnah according to the most stringent conditions. No other civilization of the past had ever developed a more arduous and learned set of principles for authenticating historical evidence.
4. We can cultivate in our hearts our love for the Prophet (peace be upon him) by recalling his noble attributes. We can read about his good character and his noble deeds. We can learn how he embodied all the good qualities that can possibly be attained by a single human being.
5. We can bring to mind the great favor that he bestowed on all of us and how indebted we are to him. He is the one who conveyed to us the true religion. He carried out this duty in a most excellent manner. He fulfilled his trust to Allah perfectly and delivered to us his Lord’s Message.
6. We can give him due credit for all the good that we attain by Allah’s grace in this world and the Hereafter, since he is the one who showed us towards how to attain it and who brought us guidance. Allah has blessed him on our account with the greatest blessings ever bestowed upon a Prophet.
7. We can bring to mind how compassionate and merciful the Prophet (peace be upon him) was to his followers and how concerned he was for our guidance and welfare. Allah says:
“The Prophet is closer to the believers than they are to their own selves.” (Sûrah, 33: 6)
8. We can become acquainted with the verses of the Qur’ân and with the Hadîth that discuss his lofty status with his Lord and the love that Allah has for him and the esteem in which Allah holds him.
9. We can carry out Allah’s command to love the Prophet (peace be upon him). We should love him more than we love ourselves. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:
“None of you truly believes until I become dearer to him than his own self, his children, his parents, and all of mankind.”
10. We can carry out Allah’s command to show respect for the Prophet (peace be upon him) and for his Sunnah. Allah says:
“O you who believe, do not raise your voices above the Prophet’s voice and do not speak to him loudly as you might speak to one another, lest your deeds become vain while you perceive it not.”(Sûrah, 49: 2)
11. We can fulfill Allah’s command to come to the defense of our Prophet (peace be upon him) and protect him from those who wish to harm or defame him. Allah says:
“To believe in Allah and His Messenger that you may assist and honor him.” (Sûrah, 48: 9)
12. We can cultivate in our hearts a sincere and constant resolve to defend the Prophet and promote his good name.
13. We can bear in mind the great blessings and rewards that in the Hereafter await those who genuinely put into practice their love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). They will be his close companions in Paradise, for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has promised: “You will be with whom you love.”
14. We can make it a habit to offer salutations of peace upon our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) whenever we remember to do so, especially after the call to prayer and on Fridays. This will increase our blessings from Allah.
15. We can read the biography of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) from authentic sources and benefit from the many lessons that it contains. We can then try to apply those lessons to our lives today.
16. We can learn the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) by studying its authentic sources. We must study the Hadîth and strive to understand them correctly. We need to derive from these Ahadîth the rulings and the lessons that they contain.
17. We can follow the Sunnah in its entirety, giving priority to what we are obligated to do.
18. We can strive to emulate the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) even in matters where we are under no obligation to do so. It is better even if we do something the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) did only once in our lives just so we can follow his example to the last detail.
19. We can be vigilant to avoid ever belittling any aspect of his Sunnah.
20. We can make sure that we feel joy every time we see people putting some aspect of his Sunnah into practice.
21. We can feel sorrow whenever we find that some aspect of his Sunnah is being neglected.
22. We can feel enmity towards anyone who defames the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) or disapproves of his Sunnah.
23. We can show love for the members of our Prophet’s family and for his wives and descendants. We can seek nearness to Allah by loving them for the sake of their nearness to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and for the sake of their commitment to Islam. If we find any of his descendants disobedient to Allah, we should be eager to guide them, since their guidance is something most dear to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). `Umar the son of al-Khattâb said to the Prophet’s uncle: “O `Abbâs! The day that you accepted Islam was more beloved to me than the day when al-Khattâb accepted Islam. This is only because I know that your acceptance of Islam was dearer to Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) than that of al-Khattâb.”
24. We can act upon the direction of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) with respect to his family when he thrice said: “I remind you of the rights of Allah with respect to my family.”
25. We can show love and respect for the Companions of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and recognize their honor and distinction with Allah and their superiority in knowledge and good works to those who come after them.
26. We can show love and respect for the scholars on account of their status and their knowledge of the Prophet’s legacy. The scholars are the inheritors of the Prophets. They deserve to be loved and honored. This is a right that our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has over us.
THINGS WE CAN DO AS FAMILIES AND AS A SOCIETY
27. We can raise our children to love the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
28. We can raise our children to emulate his excellent example.
29. We can make available in our homes books about the Prophet’s life.
30. We can make available in our homes recorded lectures about his life for our families to listen to.
31. We can show our children cartoons that have a clear and wholesome Islamic content.
32. We can set aside some family time every week for an Islamic study circle.
33. As husbands and wives, we can follow the example of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in how we deal with our families.
34. We can encourage our children to memorize and put into practice the words that the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to remember Allah on all occasions.
35. We can encourage our children to spend a portion of their daily allowances on charitable deeds that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) used to encourage, like providing for an orphan, feeding a poor person, or helping the needy. This is an excellent practical application of the Sunnah.
36. We can make our children accustomed to using some of the Prophet’s good sayings in their everyday speech like: “A believer is clever and sage”; “A believer does not get stung from the same hole twice” and“Make things easy, not difficult”.
37. We can hold competitions at home where the children can be tested on their knowledge of the Prophet’s life.
38. We can teach our children about the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) by holding little programs at home like: “A day at the Prophet’s house”.
THINGS WE CAN DO IN THE FIELD OF EDUCATION
39. We can cultivate love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in the hearts of our students by teaching them about the rights he has over us as his followers.
40. We can increase the amount of lectures given covering different aspects of his life and personality.
41. We can encourage educational authorities to add to the Islamic Studies syllabus a subject entitled The Life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
42. We can make efforts to finance the appointment of professors of the Prophet’s biography in prominent Western universities.
43. We can encourage serious research into the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and encourage scholars to publish works about different aspects of the Sunnah.
44. We can hold exhibitions at schools and universities to inform people about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) while focusing on the geographical spread of Islam.
45. We can devote prominent sections of our libraries to books about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
46. We can develop valuable encyclopedic reference works about the Prophet’s life.
47. We can host annual competitions where students can receive scholarships and prizes for writing the best original research papers about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life.
48. We can hold youth camps that cultivate love for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and teach the practical application of the Sunnah.
49. We can host training seminars for our future leaders that focus on how to emulate the example of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
THINGS WE CAN DO IN THE FIELD OF ISLAMIC WORK
50. We can explain the hallmarks of the message that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) called towards, emphasizing that he came with the original, pure religion and that his concern was to guide all humanity to the sincere, monotheistic worship of their Lord.
51. We can step up our efforts in calling people of all nations and all walks of life to the guidance of Islam.
52. We can convey to the people the illustrious and noble character that the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) had even before he began to receive the revelation from Allah.
53. We can explain to the people the good qualities of our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and the unique features of Islam in a manner that will hold their attention and capture their interests.
54. We can explain how the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) behaved toward his family, his neighbors, and his followers.
55. We can focus on how admirably and magnanimously he conducted himself with the Jews, Christians, pagans, and hypocrites who showed him enmity and hostility.
56. We can explain how nobly he carried out his most mundane, daily affairs.
57. We can set aside part of the Friday sermon for discussing certain aspects of the Prophet’s life and occasionally devote an entire sermon to this topic.
58. After the daily prayers, we can offer a few comments on how the verses we recited in our prayers relate to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life.
59. We can hold study sessions for the memorization of the Sunnah just like we do for the memorization of the Qur’ân.
60. We can correct the misconceptions that the general public has about the Sunnah and emphasize the importance of following the Sunnah in our lives.
61. We can call the people’s attention to the Islamic rulings issued by scholars regarding those who defame the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and emphasize that we have to disassociate ourselves from such people.
62. We can work to return the people to their religion by presenting to them the message of the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) in the simplest terms.
63. We can use the media to warn people against going overboard in their reverence for the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and explain to them the verses of the Qur’ân that prohibit excess and extravagance. Allah says: “Do not go to excesses in your religion.” We can also mention relevant Hadîth like:“Do not venerate me in the way that the Christians venerated the son of Mary.” We must emphasize that true love for the prophet (peace be upon him) is expressed by following him faithfully.
64. We can encourage the people to read about the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him) from its authentic sources. We must clarify those sources and make them available.
65. We can refute and dispel the misconceptions and false claims that are circulating about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life.
THINGS WE CAN DO IN THE CULTURAL SPHERE AND IN THE MEDIA
66. We can use cultural and media events as opportunities to teach people about the illustrious character of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
67. We can refrain from publishing or broadcasting anything that is contrary to his Sunnah.
68. We can oppose the Western media and refute the misconceptions and false claims that they are propagating about our Prophet and our religion.
69. We can host press conferences and cultural events with moderate non-Muslim thinkers where we can openly discuss the Prophet Muhammad (peace e upon him) and his message.
70. We can publish and disseminate what objective non-Muslim thinkers have said about the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
71. We can hold conventions and conferences to discuss the life and methodology of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and to demonstrate how that methodology is suitable for all places and times.
72. We can air televised competitions where contestants can earn prizes by demonstrating their knowledge of the Prophet’s life.
73. We can write and publish articles, stories, and pamphlets about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
74. We can petition the editorial boards of newspapers and magazines to provide a regular feature that highlights verses of the Qur’ân and Hadîth of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and explains why Muslims love the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and emulate his example.
75. We can petition the executive bodies of television networks to air programs about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life, highlighting his good qualities and the exemplary way that he conducted himself with his wives, his children, his followers, and his enemies.
76. We can encourage production studios to prepare professional quality video programs about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life.
77. We can encourage our local television stations and satellite channels to produce and air cartoon programs for children highlighting the good qualities of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and stories from his life.
WHAT WE CAN DO THROUGH OUR ISLAMIC ORGANIZATIONS AND CHARITIES
78. We can establish committees and departments within our organizations devoted to supporting our Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
79. We can reserve space for our organizations at local and international expositions and conventions and distribute literature and other media products about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his message.
80. We can establish permanent distribution centers for distributing books, pamphlets, and audio recordings about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
81. We can establish a special award with preset standards to be presented to the person who best served the Sunnah of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his biography. The presentation of this award could be accompanied by a major ceremony to which many renowned personages would be invited.
82. We can print books about the Prophet’s life in various foreign languages to be distributed to public libraries, universities, and centers for Oriental studies around the globe.
83. We can publish a periodical journal that specializes in the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him), his life, Islamic teachings, and the Muslims, emphasizing the good qualities of the religion that Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) came with.
84. We can establish charitable funds to finance our program of supporting the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and to pay for the writing and translation of books and articles.
WHAT WE CAN DO ON THE INTERNET
85. We can establish organizations devoted to propagating Islam and showing, among other things, how Islam teaches love and reverence for all of the Prophets (peace be upon them all).
86. We can establish websites and online newsgroups devoted to the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). On a smaller scale, we can create dedicated web pages for existing websites that have a broader focus.
87. We can participate in live chats online with non-Muslims and invite them to study the personality of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and the religion that he came with.
88. We can include at the bottom of our e-mails some appropriate Hadîth and sayings of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
89. We can prepare an occasional online newsletter that discusses the life of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his message to be sent out on special occasions and whenever circumstances warrant it.
90. We can post on major search engines notices about relevant books and lectures.
THINGS WE CAN DO WITH OUR WEALTH AND THROUGH OUR ISLAMIC GOVERNMENTS
91. We can give financial support to Islamic activities that focus on the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
92. We can print billboards and bumper stickers that quote the words of the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).
93. We can help to establish Islamic television and radio stations, as well as periodicals that are devoted to spreading the message of Islam in many languages around the world and especially in English.
94. We can pay for airtime on television and radio stations in various countries to get our message across.
95. We can establish centers devoted to research into the study of the Prophet’s biography and the publication of that research in many languages.
96. We can establish museums and libraries devoted to the Prophet’s life and his legacy.
97. We can fund the establishment of high quality professional websites on the Internet devoted to the prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and his life.
98. We can pay for the production of high quality books, audio recordings, and television programs in various major languages, especially English.
99. We can help to finance Islamic competitions about the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and provide substantial prizes to encourage participation.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Ten ways of increasing happiness in your marriage
Ten ways of increasing happiness in your marriage
The young and excited bride-and-groom-to-be; ecstatic about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. Three to six months later, reality has set in and both spouses realize that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort and patience. The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.
Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often
Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded. Allah will be pleased with them and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. It is also important to realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one’s intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.
Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam
Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one’s spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.
Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations
Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, expecting perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, will lead to contentment within the marriage.
Emphasize the Best in Your Spouse
Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Encouragement, praise, and gratitude should be expressed on a regular basis, which will strengthen these qualities and be beneficial in developing others. An attempt should be made to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, “A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing.” (Muslim)
Be Your Mate’s Best Friend
Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse’s likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.
Spend Quality Time Together
It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option chosen and distractions should be kept to a minimum.
Express Feelings Often
This is probably a very “Western” concept and one that some people may have difficulty fulfilling, but it is important to be open and honest about one’s feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The “silent treatment” has never been the remedy for anything.
Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness
Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.
Never Bring up Mistakes of the Past
It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but not in a harmful manner.
Surprise Each Other at Times
This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox. A little imagination will go a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively affect the marriage.
Have a Sense of Humour
This particular aspect can go a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.
Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements:
Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.
Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.
Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.
If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.
The young and excited bride-and-groom-to-be; ecstatic about the upcoming wedding and marriage and the joy that it will bring. Three to six months later, reality has set in and both spouses realize that marriage is no easy task, but one that takes a great deal of effort and patience. The following are tips for both wives and husbands, to help make the task a little less daunting, and to increase the many rewards that are possible in such a marvelous and complex relationship.
Enter the Marriage with the Right Intention and Renew this Often
Both spouses should enter the marriage with the pure intention of pleasing Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, in order to receive His grace and blessings. The marriage itself then becomes an act of worship and one for which both spouses will be rewarded. Allah will be pleased with them and this will be the most critical element in ensuring peace, stability and happiness throughout the marital life. It is also important to realize that when an act of worship is continued over a long period of time, it becomes necessary to renew one’s intention often to remain on the correct path and to obtain the most benefit.
Remember that Your Spouse is also Your Brother or Sister in Islam
Too often Muslims treat other people outside the home with kindness and sincerity, but then behave in a very different manner when it comes to their own spouses. Muslims should always remember that one’s spouse is also another brother or sister in Islam and that the rights and duties that apply to the general brotherhood (sisterhood) of Islam, should also form the basis of the marital relationship. Obviously, a spouse has rights beyond these, but there should be a clear understanding of the rights of brotherhood (sisterhood) and adherence to these principles.
Do Not Hold Unrealistic Expectations
Before marriage, people often have unrealistic ideas about their spouse-to-be, expecting perfection in all aspects. This rarely, if ever, plays out in reality and can lead to unnecessary problems and concerns. We should recall that Allah, subhanahu wa ta’ala, created humans as imperfect beings, which means that many mistakes will be made throughout a lifetime. By turning the table and expecting imperfection, we will be pleasantly surprised and pleased when our spouse is much more than we ever hoped for. This, in turn, will lead to contentment within the marriage.
Emphasize the Best in Your Spouse
Since no one is endowed with all of the best qualities, emphasis should be placed on the positive qualities that a spouse possesses. Encouragement, praise, and gratitude should be expressed on a regular basis, which will strengthen these qualities and be beneficial in developing others. An attempt should be made to overlook or ignore negative characteristics, as the Prophet, sallallahu alayhe wa sallam, said, “A believing man should not have any malice against a believing woman. He may dislike one characteristic in her, but may find another in her which is pleasing.” (Muslim)
Be Your Mate’s Best Friend
Try to think of what a best friend means and be one to your spouse. This may mean sharing interests, experiences, dreams, failures and upsets. It may involve understanding a spouse’s likes and dislikes and attempting to please him or her in any way possible. A best friend is also usually someone that can be confided to trusted, and relied upon. A spouse should be the kind of friend that one would want to keep throughout life.
Spend Quality Time Together
It is not enough to share meals, chores and small talk together. Spouses should also find time to focus on strengthening the relationship. Often couples get busy with their own separate tasks and forget about working on one of the most important elements in life. Quality time may be anything from having a quiet, profound conversation to going for a nice long nature walk, to sharing a special hobby or project. Both spouses should enjoy the particular option chosen and distractions should be kept to a minimum.
Express Feelings Often
This is probably a very “Western” concept and one that some people may have difficulty fulfilling, but it is important to be open and honest about one’s feelings, both positive and negative. The lines of communication should always be open and any concerns should be brought to the attention of the other spouse as soon as they arise. The rationale of this is that what begins as a simple concern may grow into a major problem if it is not addressed quickly and properly. The “silent treatment” has never been the remedy for anything.
Admit to Mistakes and ask for Forgiveness
Just as we ask Allah to forgive us when we make mistakes, we should also do the same with our spouses. The stronger person is the one who can admit when he or she is wrong, request pardon from the other, and work hard to improve his/her aspects that are in need of change. When a person is unwilling to do this, there will be little growth and development in the marriage.
Never Bring up Mistakes of the Past
It can be very hurting for another person to be reminded of past mistakes. In Islam, it is generally not recommended to dwell on the past. One may remember errors that were made so that they are not repeated, but this should not be done excessively. Certainly, as humans, we are not in the position to judge another person. Advice may be given, but not in a harmful manner.
Surprise Each Other at Times
This may entail bringing home a small gift or flowers, preparing a special meal, dressing up and beautifying oneself (this is not only for women), or sending a secret note in a lunchbox. A little imagination will go a long way here. The idea is to spice up the marriage and avoid getting into a dull routine that may negatively affect the marriage.
Have a Sense of Humour
This particular aspect can go a long way in preventing arguments and brightening the atmosphere of the home. Life is a constant stream of challenges and tests, and to approach it in a light-hearted manner will help to make the journey smoother and more enjoyable. You may also find that your spouse enjoys this characteristic and looks forward to spending time with you because of it.
Quick Tips for Discussions and Disagreements:
Begin with the intention to resolve the issue. If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.
Remember that it takes two to quarrel. If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.
Both spouses should not be angry at the same time. If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.
Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire. Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.
Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled. This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.
If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate. Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.
11 tips for Muslim couples dealing with marital disputes in the West
11 tips for Muslim couples dealing with marital disputes in the West
Marriages usually start off so nicely. Everyone cooperates-the couple, their parents, other relatives, friends. Things usually run smoothly.
But somewhere along the way, marital disputes pop up. This is of course natural, but these can escalate to dangerous levels if not dealt with correctly.
1. Money
Couples argue over many things but money is by far one of the most frequent and serious. The solution is to discuss issues openly and consult within the family.
For instance, the issue of a wife working outside the home can become a contentious one. This should preferably be discussed before marriage. Also, if she does decide to work and the husband agrees, does she want to contribute a certain portion to household expenses or will she keep all of the money for herself (which is her right)?
One of the ways to avoid arguments about money is to simply make an easy budget which tracks expenses, income, investments, and establishes a framework for taking care of regular family necessities (see a sample budget for a family.
Also, learn how to make a budget and deal with debt. If you are a young student, keep in mind you have to pay off student loans. You should also know where to get interest-free loans and what assistance is available
2. In-laws
In-laws are the focus of blame and reproach when there are marital disputes. But there are ways to maintain a good relationship with them. Here are some tips:
a. Remember your spouse’s parents have known them longer and loved them longer. Never make an issue about “me or them”.
b. Let respective parties settle their own disputes. If your mother-in-law has a problem with her husband, let them deal with it. Don’t interfere
c. Don’t tell your spouse how to improve their relationship with their parents.
d. Expect some adjustment time for parents after marriage to adjust to this new relationship.
e. Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws.
e. Always treat your in-laws with compassion, respect and mercy.
f. Maintain a balance between your needs and that of your in-laws.
g. Never compare your wife to your mother or your husband to your dad.
h. Do not go to your parents with your quarrels.
i. If you are supporting your parents financially inform your spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.
j. Do not forbid your spouse from seeing family unless you fear for their religion and safety.
k.Do not divulge secrets.
l. Make time to know your in-laws but stay out of their disputes.
m. Maintain the Adab (etiquettes) of Islam with your sister- and brother-in-laws (i.e.no hugging or kissing).
n. You are not obliged to spend every weekend with your in-laws.
o. Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their grandchildren.
p. Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.
q. Remember that nobody can interfere or influence your marriage unless you allow them to.
r. Invite in-laws at least once a month for a meal.
s. Visit them when you can and encourage your spouse to visit their parents and regularly check on them.
t. When parents become dependent on their children, a serious discussion with all parties present should take place. Expectations and requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out.
3. Parenting
The tug of war that results from differing understandings of parenting are also a source of tension in marriage. One solution is to start learning about Islamic parenting before having children. If you already have kids, you can still learn.
4. Stress
Stress is an almost constant factor in most people’s lives in North America. Muslim couples are no exception. Stress from work, for example, is carried into the home.
Couples and families need to work out a coping mechanism in the family. For instance, couples can take a walk to talk about the day or go to the Masjid for at least one prayer. They can read Quran individually or together. The methods can vary, but as long as they are Halal and work, they can be used.
5. Domestic violence
This is an extremely sad reality and unless it is dealt with promptly by victims, perpetrators and/or those concerned about the two, then the family will break. Seeking help is necessary and if domestic violence is not stopped, the destructive effects will not only be harmful to the husband and wife, but to their children as well.
Family members, friends and Imams need to stop the abuse. They must intervene and work on getting help for the husband and the wife.
6. Spiritual incompatibility
This is a growing problem in North America, where Muslims from all around the world live and different understandings of Islam are present. There is a disturbing lack of tolerance amongst young Muslims, especially, who may get sucked into cult-like groups which preach a “we’re right and everyone else is wrong” mentality, whether the issue is where you put your hands in prayer or whether you decide to wear Western clothes or traditional Eastern ones.
This intolerance is being transferred to marriages, where a couple may differ on minor points of faith. Married couples must understand the difference between an Islamically acceptable difference of opinion and one that is not. They must develop a tolerance, balance and respect for their differences on that basis.
7. Sexual dysfunction
This is one of the least talked about problems, but it is one that is wreaking havoc in a number of marriages. Many couples who are marrying are not learning the Islamic perspective on sex and marriage. As a result, when they are not satisfied with their spouse, a number of them may turn to others or seek easy divorce, instead of a solution.
Couples have to understand that the marital relationship in this area, as in others, needs work and patience and cannot be the subject of whims and impatience. Knowledge, practice and if possible, the advice of a wise, compassionate scholar are two key elements in finding a solution to this problem.
8. Interfaith marriages
Islam forbids marriage between Muslim women and non-Muslim men. There are a number of Muslim women who have taken this step and regretted it later. Such an action, in most Muslim families, results in the woman being isolated from her family with no support. As a result, when marital disputes do arise, parental support, which is there for many Muslim couples, is not there for these women. These Muslim women may also experience guilt for disobeying Allah and hurting their parents.
In other cases, Muslim women ask non-Muslim men they want to marry to convert shortly before the marriage to appease their parents. Again this can lead to marital disputes. Two things usually happen. Either the man becomes a truly practicing Muslim and the couple is no longer compatible; or he’s bombarded with Muslims from the community wanting to invite him to Islam and he gets upset and may hate Islam.
In the case of Muslim men marrying Jewish and Christian women, the situation is different. While Islam does allow this, Muslim men marrying Jews and Christians need to remember that living in the West, if they end up divorcing, the children will almost automatically be given to the mother. Also, remember that the mother is the child’s most important school. If you want your kids to grow up as practicing Muslims, you are better off marrying a practicing Muslim woman, especially in the West, where the unIslamic cultural influences outside the home are strong enough. Inside the home, it will become even harder to maintain Islamic influences if a mother is not a practicing Muslim herself.
9. Intercultural marriages
While Islam does not forbid intercultural marriages, they can become a source of tension when Muslims, primarily the couple, but also their families, make their culture more important than Islam. If parental support is there for an intercultural marriage, things are smoother for the couple. If there is not, and if there is even hostile opposition on the part of one or both sets of parents, it could be better to not marry the person in the long run.
10. Lack of domestic skills
While girls are being encouraged to become scientists, engineers and doctors, for instance, there is little to no emphasis being placed on gaining domestic skills. It should be remembered that in Islam, while women are not forbidden from working within Islamic guidelines, and men are encouraged to help with housework, women’s primary duty is within the home as a home manager and mother. As a result of the lack of domestic skills, many married couples find themselves in messy homes, where meals lack proper nutrition and in general, there is frustration.
If a married couple is working, husbands need to pitch in more in the home and remember that their wife is a not a machine, but a human being who also needs rest after a hard day of work.
11. The modern Muslim woman meets the old-fashioned Muslim man
While young Muslim women of the West are being encouraged to be strong and confident, boys are being raised in the same way and with the same cultural expectations as their fathers. As a result, young couples face a tug of war, when the old-fashioned, young Muslim boy won’t lift a finger around the house (since he never saw his dad do this) and his young Muslim wife expects him to pitch in, as the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) did with his wives.
As well, a number of young Muslim men expect their wives not to argue with them since they never saw their mother cross their father. This is once again cultural. But what is clear is that boys and girls are being raised very differently. Parents have to be more careful to give proper training to both children. As well, parents need to intervene in cases of dispute of this nature and be fair, not favor their own child.
Marriages usually start off so nicely. Everyone cooperates-the couple, their parents, other relatives, friends. Things usually run smoothly.
But somewhere along the way, marital disputes pop up. This is of course natural, but these can escalate to dangerous levels if not dealt with correctly.
1. Money
Couples argue over many things but money is by far one of the most frequent and serious. The solution is to discuss issues openly and consult within the family.
For instance, the issue of a wife working outside the home can become a contentious one. This should preferably be discussed before marriage. Also, if she does decide to work and the husband agrees, does she want to contribute a certain portion to household expenses or will she keep all of the money for herself (which is her right)?
One of the ways to avoid arguments about money is to simply make an easy budget which tracks expenses, income, investments, and establishes a framework for taking care of regular family necessities (see a sample budget for a family.
Also, learn how to make a budget and deal with debt. If you are a young student, keep in mind you have to pay off student loans. You should also know where to get interest-free loans and what assistance is available
2. In-laws
In-laws are the focus of blame and reproach when there are marital disputes. But there are ways to maintain a good relationship with them. Here are some tips:
a. Remember your spouse’s parents have known them longer and loved them longer. Never make an issue about “me or them”.
b. Let respective parties settle their own disputes. If your mother-in-law has a problem with her husband, let them deal with it. Don’t interfere
c. Don’t tell your spouse how to improve their relationship with their parents.
d. Expect some adjustment time for parents after marriage to adjust to this new relationship.
e. Remember that mothers are usually skeptical about daughter-in-laws and fathers about son-in-laws.
e. Always treat your in-laws with compassion, respect and mercy.
f. Maintain a balance between your needs and that of your in-laws.
g. Never compare your wife to your mother or your husband to your dad.
h. Do not go to your parents with your quarrels.
i. If you are supporting your parents financially inform your spouse as a matter of courtesy and clarity.
j. Do not forbid your spouse from seeing family unless you fear for their religion and safety.
k.Do not divulge secrets.
l. Make time to know your in-laws but stay out of their disputes.
m. Maintain the Adab (etiquettes) of Islam with your sister- and brother-in-laws (i.e.no hugging or kissing).
n. You are not obliged to spend every weekend with your in-laws.
o. Give grandparents easy and reasonable access to their grandchildren.
p. Be forgiving and keep your sense of humor.
q. Remember that nobody can interfere or influence your marriage unless you allow them to.
r. Invite in-laws at least once a month for a meal.
s. Visit them when you can and encourage your spouse to visit their parents and regularly check on them.
t. When parents become dependent on their children, a serious discussion with all parties present should take place. Expectations and requirements of such a living arrangement must be worked out.
3. Parenting
The tug of war that results from differing understandings of parenting are also a source of tension in marriage. One solution is to start learning about Islamic parenting before having children. If you already have kids, you can still learn.
4. Stress
Stress is an almost constant factor in most people’s lives in North America. Muslim couples are no exception. Stress from work, for example, is carried into the home.
Couples and families need to work out a coping mechanism in the family. For instance, couples can take a walk to talk about the day or go to the Masjid for at least one prayer. They can read Quran individually or together. The methods can vary, but as long as they are Halal and work, they can be used.
5. Domestic violence
This is an extremely sad reality and unless it is dealt with promptly by victims, perpetrators and/or those concerned about the two, then the family will break. Seeking help is necessary and if domestic violence is not stopped, the destructive effects will not only be harmful to the husband and wife, but to their children as well.
Family members, friends and Imams need to stop the abuse. They must intervene and work on getting help for the husband and the wife.
6. Spiritual incompatibility
This is a growing problem in North America, where Muslims from all around the world live and different understandings of Islam are present. There is a disturbing lack of tolerance amongst young Muslims, especially, who may get sucked into cult-like groups which preach a “we’re right and everyone else is wrong” mentality, whether the issue is where you put your hands in prayer or whether you decide to wear Western clothes or traditional Eastern ones.
This intolerance is being transferred to marriages, where a couple may differ on minor points of faith. Married couples must understand the difference between an Islamically acceptable difference of opinion and one that is not. They must develop a tolerance, balance and respect for their differences on that basis.
7. Sexual dysfunction
This is one of the least talked about problems, but it is one that is wreaking havoc in a number of marriages. Many couples who are marrying are not learning the Islamic perspective on sex and marriage. As a result, when they are not satisfied with their spouse, a number of them may turn to others or seek easy divorce, instead of a solution.
Couples have to understand that the marital relationship in this area, as in others, needs work and patience and cannot be the subject of whims and impatience. Knowledge, practice and if possible, the advice of a wise, compassionate scholar are two key elements in finding a solution to this problem.
8. Interfaith marriages
Islam forbids marriage between Muslim women and non-Muslim men. There are a number of Muslim women who have taken this step and regretted it later. Such an action, in most Muslim families, results in the woman being isolated from her family with no support. As a result, when marital disputes do arise, parental support, which is there for many Muslim couples, is not there for these women. These Muslim women may also experience guilt for disobeying Allah and hurting their parents.
In other cases, Muslim women ask non-Muslim men they want to marry to convert shortly before the marriage to appease their parents. Again this can lead to marital disputes. Two things usually happen. Either the man becomes a truly practicing Muslim and the couple is no longer compatible; or he’s bombarded with Muslims from the community wanting to invite him to Islam and he gets upset and may hate Islam.
In the case of Muslim men marrying Jewish and Christian women, the situation is different. While Islam does allow this, Muslim men marrying Jews and Christians need to remember that living in the West, if they end up divorcing, the children will almost automatically be given to the mother. Also, remember that the mother is the child’s most important school. If you want your kids to grow up as practicing Muslims, you are better off marrying a practicing Muslim woman, especially in the West, where the unIslamic cultural influences outside the home are strong enough. Inside the home, it will become even harder to maintain Islamic influences if a mother is not a practicing Muslim herself.
9. Intercultural marriages
While Islam does not forbid intercultural marriages, they can become a source of tension when Muslims, primarily the couple, but also their families, make their culture more important than Islam. If parental support is there for an intercultural marriage, things are smoother for the couple. If there is not, and if there is even hostile opposition on the part of one or both sets of parents, it could be better to not marry the person in the long run.
10. Lack of domestic skills
While girls are being encouraged to become scientists, engineers and doctors, for instance, there is little to no emphasis being placed on gaining domestic skills. It should be remembered that in Islam, while women are not forbidden from working within Islamic guidelines, and men are encouraged to help with housework, women’s primary duty is within the home as a home manager and mother. As a result of the lack of domestic skills, many married couples find themselves in messy homes, where meals lack proper nutrition and in general, there is frustration.
If a married couple is working, husbands need to pitch in more in the home and remember that their wife is a not a machine, but a human being who also needs rest after a hard day of work.
11. The modern Muslim woman meets the old-fashioned Muslim man
While young Muslim women of the West are being encouraged to be strong and confident, boys are being raised in the same way and with the same cultural expectations as their fathers. As a result, young couples face a tug of war, when the old-fashioned, young Muslim boy won’t lift a finger around the house (since he never saw his dad do this) and his young Muslim wife expects him to pitch in, as the Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) did with his wives.
As well, a number of young Muslim men expect their wives not to argue with them since they never saw their mother cross their father. This is once again cultural. But what is clear is that boys and girls are being raised very differently. Parents have to be more careful to give proper training to both children. As well, parents need to intervene in cases of dispute of this nature and be fair, not favor their own child.
Choosing a Wife and Husband :: A Moral Story [For Brother & Sisters in ISLAM]
Choosing a Wife and Husband :: A Moral Story [For Brother & Sisters in ISLAM]
Seeing that his mother was in a good mood, Ahmad sat near her and said, ‘Mother, I have an idea which should bring you much joy.” His mother answered eagerly, “My son, all that you give me makes me happy. What is on your mind?”
“You know,” he told her, “I have finished my studies and can afford to begin a family. I have decided to marry.”
muslim-marraige
His mother’s face brightened with a smile. “This is very good news! I have long awaited such a day,” she told him. “How often I have wished you would marry one of your cousins. Praise be to Allah that you have made this decision before it is too late!.” Ahmad exclaimed, “Before it’s too late? What do you mean?” “Your cousin Maryam is now old enough to marry. Every day there is someone visiting her home, seeking her hand.”
Ahmad sat silently for a moment and said, “Then why should we bother her suitors?”
“What do you mean, Ahmad?,” asked his mother, dismayed.
“My cousin Maryam is not fit for me.”
“Why not? No, my son, you’re mistaken. I shall go and see about your engagement tomorrow,” his mother told him.
Ahmad frowned and said, “No, mother. Please do not do such a thing. I will not agree to this.” “When she becomes your fiancé, you will feel love for her. Put aside your fears. Maryam is beautiful, and she has a respectable job.”
Ahmad disagreed, “No. This matter only concerns me.”
Ahmad’s mother thought for a moment and said, “If you dislike Maryam, then there’s my brother’s daughter. She is as beautiful as Maryam, and she has inherited a large sum of money from my brother.
“Mother, please think about this matter from my point of view. I need someone to share my life, not a business partner.”
His mother became angry and sharply asked, “What’s wrong with my niece? Why isn’t she good enough to be your wife?”
Ahmad replied, “She is not a practicing Muslim. I want a Muslim wife.”
Ahmad’s mother laughed sarcastically and said, “You speak as if you were an angel who could only marry another angel. Why don’t you stop saying such nonsense, my son? You are an educated young man, you should give up your impossible ideals.”
“I am neither an angel, nor do I seek a saint for a wife. I am a Muslim believer looking for a girl who also believes in Islam.” replied Ahmad.
Ahmad’s mother told him, “I don’t know any girls who share your ideals.”
He said, “I know someone who measures up to my expectations. “
Startled by this admission, Ahmad’s mother asked, “You know someone? Who is she? Since when do you begin friendship with girls?”
Ahmad answered quickly, “I didn’t mean that I know a girl personally, but I know of her.” ” I see,” she said. “You have already chosen your wife. Who is this lucky girl?” “Mother, please be more understanding. I hope you will take my side and persuade father to agree with my choice.”
This appeal to Ahmad’s mother softened her, and she said, “I swear that I think only of your welfare. I’ll help you. Tell me, what are this girl ’s qualifications?”
Ahmad told her, “Nothing matters except the religious aspect. She is Muslim, and wears complete hijab.” “Oh, then she is uneducated!” “No, she has a high school education and her religious knowledge is extensive.”
Then his mother asked, “What family is she from? Do I know them?”
“She is from a good family known for their piety”, Ahmad told her. “Of what use is a well-known family if a girl has no Islamic morals?” He silently beseeched Allah to give him the patience to overcome his mother’s resistance. “A happy marriage doesn’t depend on fame or wealth. Happiness stems from spiritual nearness and mutual understanding.” Then, in a different tone of voice his mother asked,
“What does her father do for a living?” “He is a grocer,” Ahmad replied.
“A grocer?!”, she exclaimed. “Yes. He is a grocer and a very righteous man. He is the head of a happy and virtuous family.”
Ahmad’s mother interrupted him, “You are the son of a wealthy man; with your college degree you wish to marry a grocer’s daughter? What a shame! Yet you ask me to assist you! If I had chosen the daughter of a jeweler, how would you feel?”
His mother replied, “There is a big difference between a jeweler and a grocer.”
“The only difference is with regard to the substance. The former sells rings and the latter sells sugar. Both work in order to earn money,” Ahmad answered.
His mother lamented, “Imagine your father’s reaction to this news! “
Ahmad said firmly, ” This is my desire, either you help me or I’ll do it myself.”
He spoke so seriously that his mother laughed mockingly, saying, “Does the matter require a great effort? The least move you make, they will give their daughter to you gladly.”
Ahmad shook his head in doubt and said, “Wait and see!”
“What an odd situation this is! Am I to present my son to a grocer’s daughter? What special beauty does this girl possess to make you blind to every other consideration?
“I have not yet seen her,” Ahmad said.
“Then how do you know she’s not ugly?” asked his mother.
“I know she is not. As far as good conduct is concerned, physical beauty is of little importance.”
“Oh Ahmad, my amazement never ceases.”
The next morning, Ahmad told his father of his intentions. His father became angry, but Ahmad remained determined to marry the woman of his choice. Finally his father agreed and Ahmad asked his mother to visit the girl’s home to make the proposal and overcome any obstacles.
The following afternoon Ahmad’s mother, accompanied by his oldest sister, went to the girl’s house. On the way there, Ahmad’s sister asked her mother what the girl’s name was. Her mother replied, ” I forgot to ask him! “When they knocked on the family’s door, they were surprised to see a beautiful young girl open it. The girl was surprised to see the two unfamiliar women, but she showed them into the living room and went to tell her mother that they had visitors. Her mother welcomed the guests and waited for them to explain the reason for their visit. After exchanging greetings, Ahmad’s mother asked who the young girl was who had opened the door. “It was my daughter, Zaynab,” she replied. “Do you have any other daughter?” asked Ahmad’s mother. “No, she’s my only daughter”, replied her mother. Ahmad’s mother and sister were delighted to learn that the beautiful girl was Zaynab. Just then, Zaynab entered with coffee for their visitors. She sat next to Ahmad’s sister and they soon found much to discuss. Then she collected the empty coffee cups and left the room.
Ahmad’s mother began, “We have come with a blessed aim. We would be happy to have your daughter Zaynab as a wife for my son.” She praised her son for his intelligence, his good looks and his wealth, but she neglected to mention his firm Islamic beliefs, which was very important to Zaynab’s mother. Therefore, Ahmad’s mother was stunned when Zaynab’s mother shook her head slowly and said, “I’m very sorry. It is difficult for me to agree to this proposal; in fact, it’s impossible.” With much surprise, Ahmad’s mother asked, “What is impossible?”
“My daughter is still young. I’m sure your son can find a girl who suits him.” Ahmad’s mother protested, “But Zaynab suits him well! Would you be kind enough to justify your refusal?”
“I only have one daughter, and I should be sure of her future married life.”
“But Ahmad is well-off financially,” said his mother. “He is an engineer!”
Zaynab’s mother replied, “Zaynab would not marry someone because he is wealthy or has a college degree.”
Ahmad’s mother was at a loss for words. “Then what will ensure your daughter’s happiness and consent?”
“When a mother looks for a wife for her son, she should mention her son’s conduct.” said the mother of Zaynab. “My daughter is a committed Muslim. She wants a Muslim husband, and remember, my daughter wears hijab, and your son may want a modern wife, who dresses like his mother and sister.”
Ahmad’s mother laughed with relief and told her, “You’re correct. I haven’t mentioned his conduct. I thought that other aspects of his character were of more importance. My son is a faithful Muslim. He is, in fact, looking for a wife who observes hijab. Be sure that my appearance (un-Islamic clothing) is not to Ahmad’s taste.”
Zaynab’s mother also smiled and said, “You should have told me earlier! Please give us your address so we can visit you and learn more about your son.”
“We hope you can come early next week,” said Ahmad’s mother.
Ahmad was waiting anxiously for his mother’s return. As soon as she and her daughter returned home he asked, “Well, mother? How was your visit?”
“It was very strange,” she replied.
“What was strange?”, he asked. “Has anything bad happened?”
“Oh no, Ahmad. But I never expected such a thing,” she answered. “Then they have refused?” Ahmad’s father said, “How could a grocer’s daughter refuse a wealthy young man?”
Ahmad’s mother turned to her husband and said, ” They did, in fact, refuse…”
“What! they refused?” asked the father. “I spoke about Ahmad’s good qualities, but I didn’t mention his Islamic morals. My appearance also caused her to decline my proposal because her daughter is a very faithful Muslim. When I realized their objections, I told them that you are a true Muslim as well. I have come to respect them very much. They don’t care about status or wealth.”
“Have you seen the girl?”, asked Ahmad’s father.
“Yes, she is lovely and polite. Ahmad is a lucky man to have made such a choice.”
The following week, Zaynab’s family paid a visit to Ahmad’s home and plans were made for the upcoming wedding. They were soon married and there was much rejoicing.
Seeing that his mother was in a good mood, Ahmad sat near her and said, ‘Mother, I have an idea which should bring you much joy.” His mother answered eagerly, “My son, all that you give me makes me happy. What is on your mind?”
“You know,” he told her, “I have finished my studies and can afford to begin a family. I have decided to marry.”
muslim-marraige
His mother’s face brightened with a smile. “This is very good news! I have long awaited such a day,” she told him. “How often I have wished you would marry one of your cousins. Praise be to Allah that you have made this decision before it is too late!.” Ahmad exclaimed, “Before it’s too late? What do you mean?” “Your cousin Maryam is now old enough to marry. Every day there is someone visiting her home, seeking her hand.”
Ahmad sat silently for a moment and said, “Then why should we bother her suitors?”
“What do you mean, Ahmad?,” asked his mother, dismayed.
“My cousin Maryam is not fit for me.”
“Why not? No, my son, you’re mistaken. I shall go and see about your engagement tomorrow,” his mother told him.
Ahmad frowned and said, “No, mother. Please do not do such a thing. I will not agree to this.” “When she becomes your fiancé, you will feel love for her. Put aside your fears. Maryam is beautiful, and she has a respectable job.”
Ahmad disagreed, “No. This matter only concerns me.”
Ahmad’s mother thought for a moment and said, “If you dislike Maryam, then there’s my brother’s daughter. She is as beautiful as Maryam, and she has inherited a large sum of money from my brother.
“Mother, please think about this matter from my point of view. I need someone to share my life, not a business partner.”
His mother became angry and sharply asked, “What’s wrong with my niece? Why isn’t she good enough to be your wife?”
Ahmad replied, “She is not a practicing Muslim. I want a Muslim wife.”
Ahmad’s mother laughed sarcastically and said, “You speak as if you were an angel who could only marry another angel. Why don’t you stop saying such nonsense, my son? You are an educated young man, you should give up your impossible ideals.”
“I am neither an angel, nor do I seek a saint for a wife. I am a Muslim believer looking for a girl who also believes in Islam.” replied Ahmad.
Ahmad’s mother told him, “I don’t know any girls who share your ideals.”
He said, “I know someone who measures up to my expectations. “
Startled by this admission, Ahmad’s mother asked, “You know someone? Who is she? Since when do you begin friendship with girls?”
Ahmad answered quickly, “I didn’t mean that I know a girl personally, but I know of her.” ” I see,” she said. “You have already chosen your wife. Who is this lucky girl?” “Mother, please be more understanding. I hope you will take my side and persuade father to agree with my choice.”
This appeal to Ahmad’s mother softened her, and she said, “I swear that I think only of your welfare. I’ll help you. Tell me, what are this girl ’s qualifications?”
Ahmad told her, “Nothing matters except the religious aspect. She is Muslim, and wears complete hijab.” “Oh, then she is uneducated!” “No, she has a high school education and her religious knowledge is extensive.”
Then his mother asked, “What family is she from? Do I know them?”
“She is from a good family known for their piety”, Ahmad told her. “Of what use is a well-known family if a girl has no Islamic morals?” He silently beseeched Allah to give him the patience to overcome his mother’s resistance. “A happy marriage doesn’t depend on fame or wealth. Happiness stems from spiritual nearness and mutual understanding.” Then, in a different tone of voice his mother asked,
“What does her father do for a living?” “He is a grocer,” Ahmad replied.
“A grocer?!”, she exclaimed. “Yes. He is a grocer and a very righteous man. He is the head of a happy and virtuous family.”
Ahmad’s mother interrupted him, “You are the son of a wealthy man; with your college degree you wish to marry a grocer’s daughter? What a shame! Yet you ask me to assist you! If I had chosen the daughter of a jeweler, how would you feel?”
His mother replied, “There is a big difference between a jeweler and a grocer.”
“The only difference is with regard to the substance. The former sells rings and the latter sells sugar. Both work in order to earn money,” Ahmad answered.
His mother lamented, “Imagine your father’s reaction to this news! “
Ahmad said firmly, ” This is my desire, either you help me or I’ll do it myself.”
He spoke so seriously that his mother laughed mockingly, saying, “Does the matter require a great effort? The least move you make, they will give their daughter to you gladly.”
Ahmad shook his head in doubt and said, “Wait and see!”
“What an odd situation this is! Am I to present my son to a grocer’s daughter? What special beauty does this girl possess to make you blind to every other consideration?
“I have not yet seen her,” Ahmad said.
“Then how do you know she’s not ugly?” asked his mother.
“I know she is not. As far as good conduct is concerned, physical beauty is of little importance.”
“Oh Ahmad, my amazement never ceases.”
The next morning, Ahmad told his father of his intentions. His father became angry, but Ahmad remained determined to marry the woman of his choice. Finally his father agreed and Ahmad asked his mother to visit the girl’s home to make the proposal and overcome any obstacles.
The following afternoon Ahmad’s mother, accompanied by his oldest sister, went to the girl’s house. On the way there, Ahmad’s sister asked her mother what the girl’s name was. Her mother replied, ” I forgot to ask him! “When they knocked on the family’s door, they were surprised to see a beautiful young girl open it. The girl was surprised to see the two unfamiliar women, but she showed them into the living room and went to tell her mother that they had visitors. Her mother welcomed the guests and waited for them to explain the reason for their visit. After exchanging greetings, Ahmad’s mother asked who the young girl was who had opened the door. “It was my daughter, Zaynab,” she replied. “Do you have any other daughter?” asked Ahmad’s mother. “No, she’s my only daughter”, replied her mother. Ahmad’s mother and sister were delighted to learn that the beautiful girl was Zaynab. Just then, Zaynab entered with coffee for their visitors. She sat next to Ahmad’s sister and they soon found much to discuss. Then she collected the empty coffee cups and left the room.
Ahmad’s mother began, “We have come with a blessed aim. We would be happy to have your daughter Zaynab as a wife for my son.” She praised her son for his intelligence, his good looks and his wealth, but she neglected to mention his firm Islamic beliefs, which was very important to Zaynab’s mother. Therefore, Ahmad’s mother was stunned when Zaynab’s mother shook her head slowly and said, “I’m very sorry. It is difficult for me to agree to this proposal; in fact, it’s impossible.” With much surprise, Ahmad’s mother asked, “What is impossible?”
“My daughter is still young. I’m sure your son can find a girl who suits him.” Ahmad’s mother protested, “But Zaynab suits him well! Would you be kind enough to justify your refusal?”
“I only have one daughter, and I should be sure of her future married life.”
“But Ahmad is well-off financially,” said his mother. “He is an engineer!”
Zaynab’s mother replied, “Zaynab would not marry someone because he is wealthy or has a college degree.”
Ahmad’s mother was at a loss for words. “Then what will ensure your daughter’s happiness and consent?”
“When a mother looks for a wife for her son, she should mention her son’s conduct.” said the mother of Zaynab. “My daughter is a committed Muslim. She wants a Muslim husband, and remember, my daughter wears hijab, and your son may want a modern wife, who dresses like his mother and sister.”
Ahmad’s mother laughed with relief and told her, “You’re correct. I haven’t mentioned his conduct. I thought that other aspects of his character were of more importance. My son is a faithful Muslim. He is, in fact, looking for a wife who observes hijab. Be sure that my appearance (un-Islamic clothing) is not to Ahmad’s taste.”
Zaynab’s mother also smiled and said, “You should have told me earlier! Please give us your address so we can visit you and learn more about your son.”
“We hope you can come early next week,” said Ahmad’s mother.
Ahmad was waiting anxiously for his mother’s return. As soon as she and her daughter returned home he asked, “Well, mother? How was your visit?”
“It was very strange,” she replied.
“What was strange?”, he asked. “Has anything bad happened?”
“Oh no, Ahmad. But I never expected such a thing,” she answered. “Then they have refused?” Ahmad’s father said, “How could a grocer’s daughter refuse a wealthy young man?”
Ahmad’s mother turned to her husband and said, ” They did, in fact, refuse…”
“What! they refused?” asked the father. “I spoke about Ahmad’s good qualities, but I didn’t mention his Islamic morals. My appearance also caused her to decline my proposal because her daughter is a very faithful Muslim. When I realized their objections, I told them that you are a true Muslim as well. I have come to respect them very much. They don’t care about status or wealth.”
“Have you seen the girl?”, asked Ahmad’s father.
“Yes, she is lovely and polite. Ahmad is a lucky man to have made such a choice.”
The following week, Zaynab’s family paid a visit to Ahmad’s home and plans were made for the upcoming wedding. They were soon married and there was much rejoicing.
Wives – Are “Mates”
Wives – Are “Mates”
Women are vital to the very existence of all humans. After all, men are born from women, not the other way around. Allah the Majestic tells us in the Quran that He has created both men and women, all from a single person, Adam, peace and blessings be upon him. From Adam, Allah created his mate (Eve) and from these two Allah brought forth many men and many women.
Allah also tells us he created us all from a single soul and from him, brought forth his mate and from these two He created many tribes and nations and made us all different so that we might recognize one another.
Wives in Islam are considered mates to their “other half.” The prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) taught his followers to get married and fulfill and complete the “other half” of their religion or way of life. Marriage is considered a complimenting of two halves to each other in Islam. These teachings seemed strange to the revealing attitude toward women at that time.
At a time when the rest of the world, from Greece and Rome to India and China, considered women as no better than children or even slaves, with no rights whatsoever, Islam acknowledged women’s equality with men in a great many respects. The Quran states:
“And among His signs is this: that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest and peace of mind in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Certainly, herein indeed are signs for people who reflect.” [Noble Quran 30:21]
Prophet Muhammad said:
“The most perfect in faith amongst believers is he who is best in manners and kindest to his wife.” [Source: “Sunnan” of Abu Dawud]
Muslims believe that Adam and Eve were created from the same soul. Both were equally guilty of their sin and fall from grace, and Allah forgave both. Many women in Islam have had high status; consider the fact that the first person to convert to Islam was Khadijah, the wife of Muhammad, whom he both loved and respected. His favorite wife after Khadijah’s death, Ayshah, became renowned as a scholar and one of the greatest sources of Hadith literature. Many of the female Companions accomplished great deeds and achieved fame, and throughout Islamic history there have been famous and influential scholars and jurists.
We might also mention that while many in the West criticize Islam with regard to the treatment of women, in fact a number of Muslim countries have had women rulers and presidents. To name a few: Turkey; Bangladesh and Pakistan.
With regard to education, both women and men have the same rights and obligations. This is clear in Prophet Muhammad’s saying:
“Seeking knowledge is mandatory for every believer.” [Hadith (saying of Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) collected by Ibn Majah] This implies men and women.
A woman is to be treated as God has endowed her, with rights, such as to be treated as an individual, with the right to own and dispose of her own property and earnings, enter into contracts, even after marriage. She has the right to be educated and to work outside the home if she so chooses. She has the right to inherit from her father, mother, and husband. A very interesting point to note is that in Islam, unlike any other religion, a woman can be an imam, a leader of communal prayer, for a group of women.
A Muslim woman also has obligations. All the laws and regulations pertaining to prayer, fasting, charity, pilgrimage, doing good deeds, etc., apply to women, albeit with minor differences having mainly to do with female physiology.
Before marriage, a woman has the right to choose her husband. Islamic law is very strict regarding the necessity of having the woman’s consent for marriage. The groom gives a marriage dowry to the bride for her own personal use. She keeps her own family name, rather than taking her husband’s. As a wife, a woman has the right to be supported by her husband even if she is already rich. She also has the right to seek divorce and custody of young children. She does not return the dowry, except in a few unusual situations.
Despite the fact that in many places and times some Muslims have not always adhered to all or even many of the foregoing in practice, the ideal has been there for 1,400 years, while virtually all other major civilizations did not begin to address these issues or change their negative attitudes until the 19th and 20th centuries, and there are still many contemporary civilizations which have yet to do so.
The prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered his companions never to mistreat their wives. He scolded them and admonished them, saying “How could you treat them like animals in the day and then want to be intimate with them at night.”
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said it all in a simple sentence,
“The best of you are the best to their wives; and I am the best to my wives.”
Women are vital to the very existence of all humans. After all, men are born from women, not the other way around. Allah the Majestic tells us in the Quran that He has created both men and women, all from a single person, Adam, peace and blessings be upon him. From Adam, Allah created his mate (Eve) and from these two Allah brought forth many men and many women.
Allah also tells us he created us all from a single soul and from him, brought forth his mate and from these two He created many tribes and nations and made us all different so that we might recognize one another.
Wives in Islam are considered mates to their “other half.” The prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) taught his followers to get married and fulfill and complete the “other half” of their religion or way of life. Marriage is considered a complimenting of two halves to each other in Islam. These teachings seemed strange to the revealing attitude toward women at that time.
At a time when the rest of the world, from Greece and Rome to India and China, considered women as no better than children or even slaves, with no rights whatsoever, Islam acknowledged women’s equality with men in a great many respects. The Quran states:
“And among His signs is this: that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest and peace of mind in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Certainly, herein indeed are signs for people who reflect.” [Noble Quran 30:21]
Prophet Muhammad said:
“The most perfect in faith amongst believers is he who is best in manners and kindest to his wife.” [Source: “Sunnan” of Abu Dawud]
Muslims believe that Adam and Eve were created from the same soul. Both were equally guilty of their sin and fall from grace, and Allah forgave both. Many women in Islam have had high status; consider the fact that the first person to convert to Islam was Khadijah, the wife of Muhammad, whom he both loved and respected. His favorite wife after Khadijah’s death, Ayshah, became renowned as a scholar and one of the greatest sources of Hadith literature. Many of the female Companions accomplished great deeds and achieved fame, and throughout Islamic history there have been famous and influential scholars and jurists.
We might also mention that while many in the West criticize Islam with regard to the treatment of women, in fact a number of Muslim countries have had women rulers and presidents. To name a few: Turkey; Bangladesh and Pakistan.
With regard to education, both women and men have the same rights and obligations. This is clear in Prophet Muhammad’s saying:
“Seeking knowledge is mandatory for every believer.” [Hadith (saying of Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) collected by Ibn Majah] This implies men and women.
A woman is to be treated as God has endowed her, with rights, such as to be treated as an individual, with the right to own and dispose of her own property and earnings, enter into contracts, even after marriage. She has the right to be educated and to work outside the home if she so chooses. She has the right to inherit from her father, mother, and husband. A very interesting point to note is that in Islam, unlike any other religion, a woman can be an imam, a leader of communal prayer, for a group of women.
A Muslim woman also has obligations. All the laws and regulations pertaining to prayer, fasting, charity, pilgrimage, doing good deeds, etc., apply to women, albeit with minor differences having mainly to do with female physiology.
Before marriage, a woman has the right to choose her husband. Islamic law is very strict regarding the necessity of having the woman’s consent for marriage. The groom gives a marriage dowry to the bride for her own personal use. She keeps her own family name, rather than taking her husband’s. As a wife, a woman has the right to be supported by her husband even if she is already rich. She also has the right to seek divorce and custody of young children. She does not return the dowry, except in a few unusual situations.
Despite the fact that in many places and times some Muslims have not always adhered to all or even many of the foregoing in practice, the ideal has been there for 1,400 years, while virtually all other major civilizations did not begin to address these issues or change their negative attitudes until the 19th and 20th centuries, and there are still many contemporary civilizations which have yet to do so.
The prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) ordered his companions never to mistreat their wives. He scolded them and admonished them, saying “How could you treat them like animals in the day and then want to be intimate with them at night.”
Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him) said it all in a simple sentence,
“The best of you are the best to their wives; and I am the best to my wives.”
81 ways to win your Wife’s love
81 ways to win your Wife’s love
Marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquility, contentment and comfort in the company of the other. The Qur’an has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect. [Quran 20:30]
This is the strongest of bonds, in which Allah (SWT) unites the two Muslim partners, who come together on the basis of love, understanding, co-operation and mutual advice, and establish a. Muslim family in which children will live and grow up, and they will develop the good character and behaviour taught by Islam.
The Muslim family is the strongest component of a Muslim society when its members are productive and constructive, helping and encouraging one another to be good and righteous, and competing with one another in good works. The righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone and foundation of the Muslim family. She is seen as the greatest joy in a man’s life, as the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous women.” Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.
Allah informs us about the just rights of each other on us:
The wife’s rights (with regard to their husbands) are equal to the (husband’s) rights with regard to them, although men are a degree above them; and Allah is Almighty, Wise. [Quran 2:28]
“Consort with them graciously. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good. (4:20)“
In today’s life of hustle and bustle, the family unit is becoming fragile by the day. Divorces are on the rise, and Muslims can no longer claim, as justifiably as before, that divorce is rare among Muslims or even much less than incidents of divorce among non-Muslims.
Let’s take on the men first, here’s how you can keep up your wife’s love:
1. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
2. Give sincere Salaams.
3. Treat her gently, like a fragile vessel.
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.
5. Be generous with her.
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart.
7. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times.
8. Look good and smell great for your wife.
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken.
10. Be a good listener.
11. Yes for flattery. No for arguing.
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear.
13. A pleasant surprise.
14. Preserve and guard the tongue.
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings.
16. Give sincere compliments.
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
18. Speak of the topic of her interest.
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
20. Give each other gifts.
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her.
22. Have a good opinion of each other.
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick.
24. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.
25. Expect and respect her jealously.
26. Be humble.
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers.
28. Help at home, with housework.
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
31. Remember your wife in Du’a.
32. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
34. Take Shaitan as your enemy, not your wife.
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth.
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect.
37. Show her your smile.
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted.
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking.
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills.
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.
43. Help her take care of the children.
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments.
45. Sit down and eat meals together.
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice.
47. Don’t leave home in anger.
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home.
49. Encourage each other in worship.
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you.
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times.
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, don’t jump on her like a bull.
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.
54. Show care for her health and well-being.
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her.
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses.
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on.
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal.
60. Have a good intention for her.
61. Cook a dish for her.
62. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.
63. Women love flowers. Make a trail of them on the floor leading to the gift you made for her.
64. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
65. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love.
66. Send your wife an email without a reason.
67. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.
68. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you lots of brownie points.
69. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time.
70. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
71. Ask her if she would like to invite her female friends over for ladies only get together and arrange for the dinner.
72. Ask her to send gifts to her parents and siblings.
73. Help her parents pay off debt. Send her poor relatives some money.
74. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading.
75. If she tells you something she had just learned from the Qur’an or Hadith, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.
76. Plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.
78. Update her PC or laptop with a new one or get her a new mobile phone.
79. Learn to do a special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.
80. Teach your children to respect and honor their mother.
81. Be humorous with her when she makes a mistake in the kitchen (like when she put too much salt or burnt her baking).
Marriage is a blessed contract between a man and a woman, in which each becomes “permitted” to the other, and they begin the long journey of life in a spirit of love, co operation, harmony and tolerance, where each feels at ease with the other, and finds tranquility, contentment and comfort in the company of the other. The Qur’an has described this relationship between men and women, which brings love, harmony, trust and compassion, in the most moving and eloquent terms
Among His signs is [the fact] that He has created spouses for you among yourselves so that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has planted love and mercy between you; In that are signs for people who reflect. [Quran 20:30]
This is the strongest of bonds, in which Allah (SWT) unites the two Muslim partners, who come together on the basis of love, understanding, co-operation and mutual advice, and establish a. Muslim family in which children will live and grow up, and they will develop the good character and behaviour taught by Islam.
The Muslim family is the strongest component of a Muslim society when its members are productive and constructive, helping and encouraging one another to be good and righteous, and competing with one another in good works. The righteous woman is the pillar, cornerstone and foundation of the Muslim family. She is seen as the greatest joy in a man’s life, as the Prophet (Peace be upon him) said:
“This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous women.” Sahih Muslim 10/56, Kitab al-rida’, bab istihbab nikah al-bikr.
Allah informs us about the just rights of each other on us:
The wife’s rights (with regard to their husbands) are equal to the (husband’s) rights with regard to them, although men are a degree above them; and Allah is Almighty, Wise. [Quran 2:28]
“Consort with them graciously. If you dislike them, it may be that you dislike something in which Allah has placed much good. (4:20)“
In today’s life of hustle and bustle, the family unit is becoming fragile by the day. Divorces are on the rise, and Muslims can no longer claim, as justifiably as before, that divorce is rare among Muslims or even much less than incidents of divorce among non-Muslims.
Let’s take on the men first, here’s how you can keep up your wife’s love:
1. Make her feel secure, don’t threaten her with divorce.
2. Give sincere Salaams.
3. Treat her gently, like a fragile vessel.
4. Advise in private, at the best time, in the best way and atmosphere.
5. Be generous with her.
6. Warm the seat for her, you will warm her heart.
7. Avoid anger, be in Wudhu at all times.
8. Look good and smell great for your wife.
9. Don’t be rigid or harsh-hearted or you will be broken.
10. Be a good listener.
11. Yes for flattery. No for arguing.
12. Call your wife with the best names, cute nicknames, and names she loves to hear.
13. A pleasant surprise.
14. Preserve and guard the tongue.
15. Expect, accept, and overlook her shortcomings.
16. Give sincere compliments.
17. Encourage her to keep good relations with her family.
18. Speak of the topic of her interest.
19. Express to her relatives, how wonderful she is.
20. Give each other gifts.
21. Get rid of routine, surprise her.
22. Have a good opinion of each other.
23. Have good manners, overlook small things, don’t nitpick.
24. Add a drop of patience, increase during pregnancy, menses.
25. Expect and respect her jealously.
26. Be humble.
27. Sacrifice your happiness for hers.
28. Help at home, with housework.
29. Help her love your relatives, but don’t try to force her.
30. Let her know that she is the ideal wife for you.
31. Remember your wife in Du’a.
32. Leave the past for Allah, don’t dwell on, dig into, or bring it up.
33. Don’t act as if you are doing her a favor by working or providing, Allah is the Provider, the husband is the carrier of the sustenance to the family.
34. Take Shaitan as your enemy, not your wife.
35. Put food in your wife’s mouth.
36. Treat your wife like she is the most precious pearl that you want to protect.
37. Show her your smile.
38. Don’t ignore the small things, deal with them before they be come big.
39. Avoid being harsh-hearted.
40. Respect and show that you appreciate her thinking.
41. Help her to find and build her inner strengths and skills.
42. Respect that she might not be in mood for intimacy, stay within Halaal boundaries.
43. Help her take care of the children.
44. Give her gifts with your tongue, be an artist with your compliments.
45. Sit down and eat meals together.
46. Let her know that you will be traveling or returning from travel, give her sufficient notice.
47. Don’t leave home in anger.
48. Maintain the secrecy and privacy of the home.
49. Encourage each other in worship.
50. Respect and fulfill her rights upon you.
51. Live with her in kindness, goodness, fairness in good and bad times.
52. Kiss your wife, foreplay, don’t jump on her like a bull.
53. Keep disputes between the two of you, don’t take it outside.
54. Show care for her health and well-being.
55. Remember you are not always right or perfect yourself.
56. Share your happiness and sadness with her.
57. Have mercy for her weaknesses.
58. Be a firm support for her to lean on.
59. Accept her as is, she is a package deal.
60. Have a good intention for her.
61. Cook a dish for her.
62. Designate a nice, clean, spacious area in your home for the two of you to pray at night whenever you can.
63. Women love flowers. Make a trail of them on the floor leading to the gift you made for her.
64. Give her a nice massage when she least expects it.
65. Send your wife a text message out of the blue with a message of love.
66. Send your wife an email without a reason.
67. Go out on a date or a get-away for the weekend in a nice location, preferably without kids.
68. Do something for your wife’s family, whether it is a gift, or a chat with her teen brother who needs mentoring, or whatever. It will get you lots of brownie points.
69. Do not keep reminding and demanding your rights all the time.
70. Shop groceries for her and call her from the store and ask her what she needs for the home, for herself or for her to give to people as gifts.
71. Ask her if she would like to invite her female friends over for ladies only get together and arrange for the dinner.
72. Ask her to send gifts to her parents and siblings.
73. Help her parents pay off debt. Send her poor relatives some money.
74. Write love notes or poems and place them in the book she’s been reading.
75. If she tells you something she had just learned from the Qur’an or Hadith, do not dismiss her or ridicule her effort, instead listen to her and take her word.
76. Plant her a kitchen garden with all kind of herbs she needs for cooking.
78. Update her PC or laptop with a new one or get her a new mobile phone.
79. Learn to do a special massage technique and surprise her with your new expertise.
80. Teach your children to respect and honor their mother.
81. Be humorous with her when she makes a mistake in the kitchen (like when she put too much salt or burnt her baking).
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